But Maybe
by Rika Tone
Summary: He's not so sure, but Mayuzumi thinks this is the right decision. It's time to stop clinging to false hopes.


Mayuzumi has never been the type to regret his decisions.

He always thinks his choices through, taking careful and deliberate steps so that he won't find himself stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Once in a blue moon, maybe, he'll make a hasty decision. He hates to admit it, but those kinds of decisions arise from when anger clouds his judgement. He knows this. Succumbing to anger leads to careless decisions.

There's no reason to be angry in most situations, and this situation is no different.

He resists the temptation to fiddle with his wristwatch on his left arm. Somehow, he manages to hold the other's questioning gaze.

Here goes nothing.

"I think we should break it off."

There. He said it.

The other blinks once, and Mayuzumi can't help but subconsciously hold his breath.

Kuroko's eyes betray nothing, like he's staring straight through Mayuzumi.

Mayuzumi suppresses a wince. While he can often read the other, he isn't as confident as of now—in such an important moment.

"Okay."

Now it's Mayuzumi's turn to blink.

He was expecting a surge of feelings to rush forth, suffocating him and making all his breathing difficult. Feeling a sense of confusion, complacency, and overall relief was not it.

He was expecting a few different outcomes, like maybe a murmured "Why?" after Kuroko tries to reign in his emotions and keep his voice steady.

Maybe a hurt expression, in contrast to how he usually is.

Maybe even a last-ditch hug in order to persuade Mayuzumi to rethink his decision.

But maybe Mayuzumi should have expected such a simple answer. After all, they have been a couple for just over half a year. No—had been a couple. Not have been.

He should have expected for Kuroko to look absolutely fine after hearing those words, as if Mayuzumi had only begun a conversation about the weather.

It's one of the traits that Mayuzumi has always liked best in Kuroko. How the other wouldn't protest against things like this. Things that involved not just his own sentiments, but other's opinions as well. Kuroko couldn't keep Mayuzumi chained to him. And he would never want to, anyway.

And now, he feels something like desperation diluting his relief. Of all emotions, desperation was definitely not one of them. He's supposed to be completely relieved, not wanting to grasp at straws in hopes of keeping some dying cause tied together.

Sometimes, Kuroko was never clean and simple. Other times, he was too clean and simple. This is one of those times.

But despite the fact that he's glad that Kuroko took it well, there's another part of him that wishes that Kuroko could have been at least a little sad.

"That's it?"

Kuroko's eyebrows disappear into his bangs for the briefest of moments. Then he asks, "What do you mean?"

God. What is Mayuzumi even thinking? He's a fucking idiot.

Sure, they spent the last half year together, but that doesn't mean anything when they barely felt any strong connection to each other. It's like their status of being in a relationship was more for decoration than anything else.

"What do I mea—you should—" Ugh, he's getting anxious.

Mayuzumi should be satisfied with the other's answer. It's easy. It's nothing like an overused romance drama cliché that has him holding his face in his hands. Still, Mayuzumi had been toiling over this for weeks. The least the other could do is show some expression other than his normally blank face. At least show that maybe he's been thinking, stressing, worrying about it too.

He tries again after a small sigh. "Did you not think about this at all?

Kuroko hums. "Well, I was anticipating it."

"So you were prepared?"

"Somewhat."

"Then...was it wrong for me to think that you'd show some kind of emotion?"

"Emotion like in all those bad light novels you read?" Kuroko teases.

"Do not. Start." Not now, of all times.

Kuroko gives a small laugh. "Emotion like what?"

"I don't know—sadness I guess?"

Kuroko doesn't speak for a moment, during which time Mayuzumi steadily grows uneasy. He has no idea how the other is going to take this.

"Do you want me to be sad?" The question is not scathing. It's far from an accusation; just genuine wonder.

"What, no—" Mayuzumi just about refutes the question by reflex. Too hasty. That felt like he was tripping over his words. Of course he wouldn't want to hurt Kuroko by his decision. He's not cruel by any means.

He sucks in a quiet breath. Kuroko deserves his true feelings. Truth. No hiding behind any of the falsehood and attempts to convince himself that they could've had a successful relationship.

He's fine. No need to be nervous. It's just...

"No, I don't. I hope you aren't."

A breakup.

Kuroko merely nods. "Then I know that my time spent with you was all worth it."

The other always knows how to catch Mayuzumi off guard. That has never changed ever since they met each other. Mayuzumi is about to ask Kuroko to explain further, until the other speaks once more.

"Thank you, Mayuzumi-san." He bows, polite as ever. Mayuzumi believes that they had never been able to break down the wall between them. Kuroko is much too polite. Too formal.

But Mayuzumi is to blame as well. He can also be too polite in some senses, and more than anything, just plain unapproachable.

And that puts distance between them. But maybe—

He wants to believe that neither of them could help it, and maybe that's true. He has his own problems that only he can fix. Some things even take a lifetime to alter, and it's not just him that has problems, but Kuroko too. He blames both of their dispositions, which have never meshed well. Maybe they could've done so before, but now it will remain as an undiscussed discrepancy between them.

That, and the fact that he believes they aren't meant to be. But maybe—

"I'll see you later."

"See ya, brat." Is that the last time he'll use that name for the other? Mayuzumi isn't so sure. Too many nights spent lying there just thinking. Is this right? Is this what's the best? What if it's not?

But then again, he wouldn't be brooding over this if he did believe in their relationship.

He has always been more for rational thought, but that has failed him this time around. His heart has already told him this is the correct choice, and now all he can do is run with it. But maybe—

Turning around to head away, Kuroko spares one last glance over his shoulder, waving with a smile.

Mayuzumi raises his hand in farewell with no second thought. When he drops it down after Kuroko is out of sight, his hand feels like lead. His chest too. Too heavy.

He stuffs his hand into his jean pocket in some superficial attempt to isolate himself from his feelings.

Kuroko didn't ask to remain just as friends, and maybe that's for the best. As a couple, they weren't so heavy on the conversation either. Nights were never filled with texting each other, and neither lying side by side. In general, they didn't even do many couple-like things. They held hands once or twice, a hug here and there, but nearly nothing beyond that. How would it even benefit them to keep being friends? Surely, it'd only be like clinging to already lost hopes.

And Mayuzumi has never been the type.

But maybe—

Mayuzumi thinks that maybe, just maybe, that at another time, another place, another situation, another way, they could've been happy together.


End file.
